Happy Valentine’s Day! Since today is all about love, I wanted to focus on someone who really needs some -you! Being a new mom is all about taking care of your beautiful, sweet, perfect tiny human, and 99.5% of your time and thoughts are suddenly dedicated to your little nugget. Usually, I do exactly 3 things for myself in a day -take a shower, run a brush through my hair, and make a cup of coffee. And most days, that’s enough. But on the days I need more, here are some ideas that have worked well for me. I hope they help you too!
Self-Care With Baby:
Most of these happen during nap time, but they work!
- Spend time with your first baby. From the moment we adopted Gloria a little more than 5 years ago, she has been my baby. She slept in bed with us every night, she rubbed on and patted my face whenever I’d come home, she sat on my lap as much as she could, she came running when I cried -now that I’m reading all of these, I’m starting to realize that I’m her baby too! When I got pregnant, she started snuggling up to my belly and purring with her paws wrapped around it. Emily used to scoot over to whichever side of my belly Gloria snuggled up to, and I loved these moments. Now, we can’t let Gloria sleep in our room because we know she’ll hop in Emily’s bassinet to snuggle, and my lap is usually occupied by a tiny human. She’s adjusted pretty well to these changes, but when Emily is asleep, I love spending time with Gloria just like we used to in the old days (11 weeks ago). After all, she’s still my baby too!
- Do something to feel pretty. When I first had Emily, I stopped wearing makeup. However, without concealer over the dark circles that took permanent residence under my eyes about 10 years ago no matter how much sleep I get, I found myself being asked whether I was okay far too often. Initially, I started putting on coverup to avoid the questions because it felt somehow easier than just explaining that I wasn’t wearing makeup. But then I realized that I actually enjoy wearing makeup and that it makes me feel pretty. So take the time (if you can) to do something that makes you feel good about yourself. Maybe it’s making sure your favorite leggings are clean. Maybe it’s blow drying your hair. Maybe it’s putting on makeup. Maybe it’s something I’m not thinking of. But do it because you deserve to.
- Exercise. Late in my pregnancy, I stopped exercising because my feet swelled up every time I stood up for more than 10 seconds, and I really missed it. I loved how strong it made me feel. Now that I’m cleared to exercise again, I wait for Emily to be in a deep sleep, cue up a workout on YouTube (Yoga with Adrienne, SummerGirl Fitness, and PopSugar Fitness are some of my favorites), and try to cram in a workout before she wakes up. On warmer, sunny days, we also go for a nice long walk around our neighborhood. It feels so good to do something to take care of myself, and I love to challenge my body. When a workout becomes difficult, it’s easier to dig deep and push myself knowing that it’s nothing compared to the challenges my body faced during pregnancy and childbirth. So find a workout you love and enjoy it!
- Sleep when Baby sleeps. Full disclosure -this did not work for me. I’ve never been a good sleeper, and trying to fall asleep on demand actually stressed me out and kept me up more. But if it works for you, that is wonderful! A friend told me she actually had to train herself to nap, and she’s so glad that she did.
- Rest when Baby rests. This was much more my speed. So as much as I want to do the dishes and fold the laundry, if I’m tired, I make myself sit and read a book or watch a great show. If you need recommendations, The Office, Parks & Rec, New Girl, and How I Met Your Mother are classics, and I love anything on the CW, but especially Jane the Virgin, Hart of Dixie, and the early seasons of The Vampire Diaries.
- Make yourself a cup of tea, coffee, or hot cocoa and drink it while it’s still hot. After I had Emily, my best friend gave me a new mom survival kit that included a thermal mug, and I use it every day. I don’t feel comfortable drinking hot beverages too close to Emily, so I make my drink when I can and then let it sit in the thermal mug. That way, I can drink it when Emily is asleep and actually enjoy it.
- Write. Whether you write in a diary, fill in a prompted journal (I love the one in the picture above), or jot down a few quick notes about the precious things Baby does, it is incredibly therapeutic to write. I’m a huge fan of brain dumping, or just writing down all the things running around in your head, and making tons and tons of lists.
- Get outside. In the nice weather, my general rule is that if the sun is out, I’m out, so this spring, Emily and I will be outside all the time. Going for walks, hanging out at the beach, sitting on the deck, or showing Emily the plants around the yard in the warm sunshine are all things I’m looking forward to doing daily as soon as spring begins.
- Snuggle. My favorite moments of every day are when Emily falls asleep on me. Her little legs and bum are in my lap, her face is nestled into my neck, and her arm is wrapped tightly around my shoulder. She’s not going to be little enough to do this forever, so I am enjoying every second of this time that I can. The dishes definitely sit in the sink until Andrew comes home and takes over snuggle time, and laundry may wait a day or two to be folded, but it doesn’t matter.
Self-Care At Home When You Have Help With Baby:
This is actually the area of self-care I struggle with most. I genuinely love taking care of Emily, and it’s hard for me to willingly take a break even when Andrew is home. However, this past week, I realized that by insisting on being around her all the time and not giving her and Andrew time alone together, I’m depriving them of valuable bonding time. So I’ve been working to intentionally take a step back and give them their special time together while I take some for myself.
- Take a real shower. Most of my showers are about 2.5 minutes long -just enough time to shampoo my hair and suds up my body while belting out one of Emly’s favorite songs so she knows I’m nearby even if she can’t see me. And Gloria has a new thing where she perches on the edge of our tub between the shower curtain and liner and watches me shower. It’s a little weird but also adorable, and I can’t bring myself to shut her out, so I live in fear of the day that she slips off the edge and into the tub because that will not go well for either one of us. Needless to say, these showers are not relaxing. So when Andrew is home, I take a real shower. I shave my legs, I lather, rinse, AND repeat, and I condition my hair. It is a glorious 15 minutes, and it makes me feel human.
- Eat your meal while it’s hot. I don’t know about you, but there are three times a day when I can guarantee my baby will start crying -every time I sit down to eat a meal. And I prepare for these moments -I change, feed, and burp her, and then I put her in her swing on her favorite speed (#3). I sit down, sandwich in hand, open my mouth to take a bite, and without fail, the angry cry begins. So when someone else offers to hold Emily while I eat, I absolutely say yes!
- Do whatever it is you’ve been meaning to do all day. I tend to make to do lists at least 3 times a week, but these days, I’d rather snuggle with Emily than get stuff done. When Andrew is home, I take advantage of the time to do those annoying little tasks. Plus it feels really good to cross things off a to do list.
- Say yes to help. When you have a baby, people constantly offer help. And I don’t know about you, but I have a really hard time accepting it. Then I had a girl’s night where Emily poopsploded all over herself, me, and her changing table. It was so gross, and it was right in the middle of dinner. I immediately cleaned her up as best I could, changed my shirt, and gave her a bath. By the time I was done, one friend had cleaned up the entire dinner and my whole kitchen, and the other had put Emily’s filthy clothes in the wash, switched over my other load of laundry, and cleaned the changing table so it looked better than the day we bought it. I was so incredibly grateful for my wonderful friends. And it made me realize that my friends and family are offering to help because they want to, not because they feel obligated to. I can’t wait to do the same things for them when they have babies.
Self-Care Away From Baby:
I’m not going to lie, I don’t go out much. Emily is 11 weeks old, it’s freezing out most days, and it’s flu season. I’m actually really enjoying hibernating at home this winter, but I fully understand and support that this doesn’t work for everyone. The items on this list vary greatly in length for exactly this reason.
- Go for a walk or run. You can definitely do this with your baby, but sometimes, it’s good to get out in nature by yourself. A quick walk around the block always helps me clear my head and get a little perspective.
- Get a mani pedi. This was always one of my favorite things before I had Emily, but I don’t go very often anymore. And washing about a million dishes a day has made my hands look a little scary. But taking that hour for some self-care is so incredibly relaxing, especially because my local nail salon has massage chairs!
- Go to your favorite spot in town and take an hour to do what you want. Whether you love reading in your local bookshop, sitting on the beach in the sun, or hiking in your favorite park, this time is so valuable.
- Get a coffee. Since I had Emily, whenever I run errands, I just want to rush home as quickly as I can. But making a quick extra stop for a treat gives the perfect little boost to the day, so whether it’s a frozen yogurt, a coffee, or a bagel, go for it!
- Go see a movie by yourself. Two hours of quiet (with your phone on vibrate in case someone needs you). Doesn’t that sound so nice?
- Meet up with friends. Sometimes, you just need grown-up time. And grabbing lunch, going shopping, or walking the beach with friends are perfect activities for those moments. What was your favorite thing to do before you became a mom? Call your best friend and make plans to do it again!
- Have a date night. When was the last time you looked at your partner as anything other than a co-parent? Book a babysitter (or call your parents), get ready, and have a fun night out. We love going to arcades and grabbing a quick meal.
- Take an exercise class. Personally, I love yoga and kickboxing. And bring a friend with you if you can, it’s way more fun to struggle through yoga poses or beat the crap out of kickboxing pads together.
The most important thing to remember here is that whether you need 5 minutes or 5 hours to yourself, take the time when you can. There are going to be days when you’re too busy and days when you have plenty of time. But no matter what kind of a day you’re having, be sure to take a breath, hug Baby, and remind yourself that you are doing great!
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